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 I
hate to be the bearer of bad news but this isn't a situation likely
to solve itself. This appears to be a serious issue of communication
and I would suggest a therapist trained in areas of sexuality, preferably
a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors
and Therapists (ASSECT). For a list of ASSECT therapists in your
area contact the head office at:
The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, P.O. Box 1960, Ashland, VA 23005-1960, 804-752-0026, praasect@aasect.org.uk http://www.aasect.org/
I'm assuming you want your marriage to continue,
but trust me that you can't create intimacy on your own. If your
wife doesn't understand the gravity of this situation, I'd urge
you to seek legal counsel. A marriage is not considered binding
in some states if consummation has not taken place, so if what you
say is true, you are not bound in this marriage. Good luck.
 My
boyfriend watches porn on video. I think it's demeaning to women
and I'm embarrassed for him. It diminishes him in my eyes. Am I
being too much of a prude and if so, how can I be more accepting
of this?
Is
your boyfriend watching porn to the exclusion of being intimate
with you? Or is he asking you to do what he sees in the films? This
is often a result of porn, which sadly is the biggest source of
misinformation about sexuality. How could it not be? Porn is men
marketing to men about what they know visually works for them. Here
is the problem: they forgot to include the input of 50 percent of
the participants--the women. Have you considered asking your husband
to choose a video for you? Have you seen one you like, possibly
one from Candida Royale Femme Productions or an Andrew Blake film,
which tend to have more story and seduction involved.
Where
are all the erogenous zones for a woman? And for a man?
If
you consider that the skin is our largest sexual organ, then any
part of the body has the potential to be an erogenous zone. However,
most men concentrate their attention on a woman's lips, neck, breasts,
thighs and genitals. Now admittedly these spots are concentrated
with nerve endings, but that alone should not be a qualifier for
an erogenous zone.
Any spot on a woman's body that when stimulated causes her to relax
and also turns her on would be one of her personal erogenous zones.
For many women, this includes her feet.
For men, there are unlimited spots/zones. Scratching a man's thighs
or the back of his neck in a wavy pattern can do the trick. Any
time someone's touch does it for a partner that's when some area
becomes an erogenous zone. The genitals, anal area and breasts are
considered primary male erogenous zones, but as any woman can tell
you there's a whole lot more to play with than just those areas.
More Q&A's From Lou
June 26,2000
Husband has bad breath
Talking too much during
sex
Sex and menopause
Simultaneous orgasms
Predictable sex
Fighting after sex
May 22,2000
Where is G-spot
Different orgasms
for women
Sex after baby
Sex with someone who
won't reveal sexual history
Myth of 6000 positions
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