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People often have opinions about how soon to date following the
loss of a spouse (although a year is fairly commonly accepted).
Unless your friends and family have specific concerns that you're
being taken advantage of financially or in some other way by your
new partner, we suspect that it will be just a matter of time before
they can accept this new person. You can't please all the people
all the time, and trying to convince them you're right will likely
drive them further into judgement-land. Let them have their own
time to grieve and move on. If they never come to accept your new
partner, so be it.
 My
wife wants her own room. She says we will "visit" but I'm not happy
with this arrangement. She has threatened to leave me if I won't
indulge her. I'm afraid that our "visits" will be infrequent and
on her terms. How can we resolve this?
Have you spoken to your wife about why she wants a room of her own?
Does she see it as temporary or permanent? Would she make an agreement
about the frequency of visits? And what does a "visit" mean-- sex,
sleeping together, snuggling, watching TV, reading together? In
some relationships, this would be a "deal breaker;" in others, acceptable.
From what you've written, your wife seems adamant about having her
own room and, while you may be unhappy with this arrangement, it
doesn't seem to be a deal breaker for you. We would suggest that
you do it on a trial basis with very specific agreements about visits
and work on any underlying problems in the relationship that might
be driving her to want the separation.
More Q&A's From Bill & Steffanie
June 26,2000
A flirting husband
In-laws haven't chipped
in for wedding
Wife is bad cook
June 19,2000
Girlfriend masturbates
in bathroom
In love with him but
what about his children?
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his feelings
June 5,2000
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money
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Boyfriend not initiating
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him
Empty nest
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May 22,2000
Controlling money
Messy family
Empty nest
Fighting in public
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