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Try talking to your girlfriend before you jump to conclusions. You
have lots of ideas but little information. A good conversation could
clear up your questions about what she is doing in the bathroom
and about the lack of sex in your relationship. Once you've spoken
to your girlfriend, write us again because there's just too little
to go on right now. There could be several reasons she's behind
closed doors. She simply could be taking a bath. Maybe she likes
to masturbate alone. It's possible she's sexually inhibited, or
any number of things. We can better advise you when we have more
details.
 I
have fallen in love with a man who has full custody of his three
young children. Our relationship is healthy and independent of the
children but the reality is that they are part of the package too.
How can I decide if I'm ready to take this on?
This is tough. The statistics on stepparenting and second marriages
are discouraging. Certainly you should try to spend time with your
friend and his children and assess how things go. Are you comfortable
with his parenting style and can you both communicate about the
child-rearing issues? We also suggest that you form a relationship
with each kid individually and see how it develops.
We have seen these relationships shift, sometimes unexpectedly,
over time. We have known stepparents who had great interaction with
their potential stepchildren early on only to have the relationship
go south later, and vice versa. There are so many factors involved,
such as age, ex-spouses, extended family, peers, and other life
events, that the course of these relationships are difficult to
predict. So get as much information and experience as you can and
then go into it with eyes wide open, knowing there are no guarantees.
I
am engaged to a man who is perfect in so many ways. He's a lawyer
and his long list of good qualities include intelligence, a good
sense of humor and compassion. We have great sexbut it bothers me
that he never talks about his feelings. How do I know I'm not being
a nudge? Is this a "chick" thing?
First,
figure out why you want to know about his feelings. If you are happy
with things the way they are, we suggest leaving it well enough
alone. But if you want to hear his feelings because it will deepen
the relationship, then we have several suggestions. First, we'd
catch him doing something right and reinforce that. If he expresses
a feeling or comes close to it, quickly reinforce his action by
acknowledging it and by telling or showing him that you appreciate
it. If you need to jumpstart the process because he is not very
good at expressing his feelings, be very specific about what you
mean. What specifically does expressing feelings sound like for
you? Additionally, be clear what response from you might increase
or decrease his sharing. For some men, it is easier to talk if there
is less direct eye contact or they are engaged in something else
like taking a walk or a drive.
More Q&A's From Bill &
Steffanie
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