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"Are you kissing me the way you want to kiss me or the way you
think I want to be kissed?" he asked. At the time, I didn't think
this was the best choice of question in that sweet moment of relief--that
cherry-on-top moment that finally comes after kissing this new pair
of lips that you've been dying to kiss since you first saw them.
Inside I was screaming WHAT???? I mean, couldn't he have asked,
"What are you doing for the rest of your life?" or "Did anyone ever
tell you that you have gorgeous eyes?" Something like that.
In the "moment of kiss" it's hard to hear criticism--however constructive
it may be. But he was right. I had faked our first kiss and he was
giving me a second chance. In my experience, that first kiss does
not lie. There's brutal honesty in the moment of pucker--a glimpse
into how things will go. Pay attention to what's going on. More
is revealed than you realize. Does it feel authentic? Are there
things you would change?
One guy (let's call him Adam) and I had been on several dates.
He had already held my hand--told me he was crazy about me--and
invited me to spend the weekend with him in the country. Before
we left the city for the magical weekend, I thought we were ready
for our first kiss. However, when the "moment of kiss" arrived,
Adam turned into a python, plunging hungrily down my throat. I politely
sputtered, "Oh my, you have an aggressive tongue." He looked at
me as if I had turned him to stone. We said goodnight. I never heard
from him again.
Feeling safe enough to adjust the kiss is everything. (This can
be a link to an excerpt from Lou's chapter on kissing ) If he can't
take an honest response, it's best to move on. There are the guys
who ALWAYS kiss with their eyes closed, those who talk while they're
kissing, and others who suddenly look demonic when they're half
an inch from your face. There are the suckers, the biters, the peckers,
the mashed potato lips and the teeth lickers. So in your next moment
of kiss, ask yourself, is it real and what does it reveal? Proceed
from there. Anyone else have kissing epiphanies they want to share?
Some Q&A's From Coleman
June 12,
2000
Love at first
sight
Meeting someone
Too busy to
date
June 5, 2000
When to have
sex
Who should
pay?
Negotiating
emotion
Staying single
Key exchange
Date ideas
May 22, 2000
Office romance
Brushed off
in Paris
Signals
Sneaking doubts
Mr. Right
with flaws
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