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I would say that in today's global society, children who are brought
up to be bilingual can have a big advantage, not to mention a richer
cultural understanding of both sides of their family. Research suggests
that children who are raised in bilingual households have somewhat
slower language development for the first few years of life, but
catch up by age 6 or 7 and do as well or better in school than monolingual
children. The bottom line is that children are amazingly flexible
when their parents deal well with their own differences. If one
partner has to give up his native language with a child, it can
feel like a real loss. But if the other parent feels left out of
conversations, as you mentioned, that can be stressful as well.
Be sure you communicate your concerns to your husband, so he can
be sensitive to your situation. Have you tried studying Japanese?
Even understanding a little might help minimize your fears of being
left out, and help your husband understand that you are truly interested
in helping him pass the Japanese language and culture to your son.
I'm engaged to a Peruvian and my parents
think I'm headed for disaster. They believe that our different cultures
and languages (I speak passable but far from perfect Spanish) are
going to make marriage that much more difficult. Do you agree with
my parents that marrying within your own culture is the key to a
successful relationships?
Every layer of difference in a relationship does add to its complexity
and to increased divorce rates. This doesn't mean that cross-cultural
couples shouldn't marry. You just need to face the fact that you'll
probably need to do more work than couples from more similar backgrounds.
Something else to watch out for is that your parents' objections
can paradoxically push you into each other's arms and distract you
from focusing on the issues you need to face as a couple. Accept
that all marriages take a lot of hard work, and that when cultural,
racial, religious, national, or linguistic differences are part
of the mix, you have to develop your relationship skills to create
a positive relationship.
More Q&A's From
Joel
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