|
Are you attracted to danger? The fact that you described your office
as a small space offers a giant clue to your dilemma. There’s nowhere
to hide if things were to go south. But why imagine the worst?
First, take inventory of the signals he’s sending you. Are they
substantial or are you inventing a distraction? Does he seem to
be making up excuses to walk near your desk? Or is it because you
sit next to the water cooler? Does he comment on your perfume? Or
does he comment on the scent of perfume in the office? Does he call
your extension by accident? Or does he have something wrong with
his phone? Collect the data. Weigh the goods.
Once you’ve determined that the attraction may be mutual--yeah,
ask him out. The worst he can say is no. Call in sick the next day.
Resolve to work harder.
What do you do when you take your date on
a trip to Paris and when you get there, she says she “needs some
space” and she's going to Geneva for a few days to meet some old
friends?
In Paris? Take your date to the train station, wave goodbye and
then start brushing up on your pickup lines en francais. Or better
yet, let your date find her own way to the train station. Waste
no time. You’re in Paris. Start hanging out in cafes, get lost,
drink wine and DON’T write postcards to Geneva.
What do you do when you’re at a bar and your date says, “You’re
a REALLY nice person; I feel so comfortable around you,” while her
eyes dart left and right across the room?
I see where you’re going with this observation. Do you? This is
what might be considered “a signal.” Your date is not interested
in you. Don’t take this personally. You probably are a REALLY nice
person. But stop torturing yourself. Do you want to be in a bar
with someone who feels comfortable with you but can’t see you?
So in the moment of that particular signal, you might consider
taking your date’s face in both hands and pulling her face close
to yours. This may startle your date but you have now taken control
of this situation. You are making your date slightly uncomfortable.
This is a good thing. You have your date’s attention. You are going
against expectation. This is the moment of truth so tell it. Tell
your date that she is a liar and that you are on to her, then get
up and walk away. Life changing results are guaranteed.
When should you trust a bad feeling? I mean, after you’ve decided
to be with someone seriously and know that it’s right for you, how
do you know when to trust a sneaking doubt?
Oh those darn sneaking doubts! They ruin every picnic. But they
don’t have to unless you ignore them.
Yes, you should always trust a bad feeling--any feeling, just as
you should always question authority. How does the bad feeling manifest
itself in your relationship? Does it create an irresolvable conflict
between the two of you? Does it make you feel shut down? Does your
partner suddenly seem unrecognizable to you? Evaluate the degree
of bad in the feeling before you allow those doubts to start sneaking
around.
Think of these feelings as being doors in your relationship. You
can make what’s behind the door into a monster or you can knock
on the door fearlessly and be surprised by who answers. Whoever
answers, just the act of knocking allows a deepening of trust and
communication in your relationship. By articulating a bad feeling,
you can actually learn more about your partner by the way he or
she responds. Are they open to discussing your feelings? If not,
you’ll have more information as you decide whether or not this person
is right for you.
Every Mr. Right has his flaws, right? How do you know which ones
to compromise on?
Fortunately, every Mr. Right is made of flesh and blood and yes,
flaws. And we, the Ms. Rights of the world come with our own package
of flaws as well. I don’t think the word is compromise though. I
think it’s more an issue of compatibility and sensibility. How well
do your flaws mix with his flaws? Sounds like a relationship cocktail
to me. Do you share a flaw? Or do you drink out of separate flaws?
Seriously, evaluate the flaws. Admit your own. Are you both willing
to learn from each other? Aye, that’s the question that Ms. Right
and Mr. Right should be asking one another before purchasing. All
flaws sold separately.
|
