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Being "in the moment" means being centered and occupying
your body with your mind, emotions and spirit. It is being able
to react in a comfortable, spontaneous way to the situation you
are currently in without being pulled in a million different directions.
Maybe you can best understand what “being in the moment" is
by understanding what it's not. It isn’t being preoccupied with
what happened 10 minutes, an hour or a month ago to such an extent
that you can’t pay attention to what’s going on in the present.
It isn’t glancing around the room and only half-listening to who
you're with, having racing thoughts or using more of your mental
and emotional energy wondering what’s going to happen in an hour
rather than what’s going on right around you.
I'm beginning to think about spirituality. Do
you have any books or other resources you’d recommend?
I have two books in that area, "The Quiet Voice of Soul,"
which is about learning to see everyday ordinary events as vehicles
for spiritual growth, as issuing from spirit so to speak. I also
have a daily affirmations book called," The Soul’s Companion,"
with simple, short readings that sort of jump-start your day or
pick you up with a little attitude adjustment. As for other books
you might check out work by James Hillman, Matthew Fox, Emmett Fox,
Vernon Howard, J. Krishnamurthy, Gerald Jampolsky, Carl Jung, just
to name a few. You can go to a bookstore and ask for some recommendations
and spend some time looking through what’s available and read what
speaks to you where you are now.
This
is a second marriage for both my partner and me. Our union is so
positive but we are both plagued by a negative past. How can we
put this behind us and move on in our new lives together?
First of all, we don't really put negative history behind us; rather,
we work slowly and methodically through how it's affected us. Then,
as new insights occur, we integrate a fresh perspective on old events.
It is in understanding our past that we can learn and grow. This
stance includes a certain flexibility of mind and maturity of emotions
that allows for living in the present. "Putting things behind
us" all too often includes a willful attempt to lock a part
of ourselves in an unresolved period of our personal history. It
sounds good but in my experience, it doesn't really work. I'm for
integration versus amputation.
My
husband lost his job and is extremely depressed. It has been a hardship
on the whole family and he won't seek or accept any help. How can
we help him if he refuses all the lifelines that are being thrown
his way?
The
word "thrown" makes me uncomfortable. It implies a sort of distance
- "his problem, not ours." There may be some aggression or anger
on you or your family's part about his being fired and upsetting
the family apple cart. Why not consider all of you getting some
help, or at least two of you? You are all going through something,
not just your husband, as you've indicated. Maybe lifelines could
be explored for more of you than just him. When something like this
occurs, it affects everyone. You have a right to your reaction during
a difficult time. You can't really control him but you can get what
you need. Once you get yourself in a good place, it will be clearer
how to handle your husband.
How can I introduce spirituality into my relationship?
For starters, learn to see your relationship as a gift. Have you
ever prayed to find love? Well, here is the answer to your prayer.
When you see your partner as a gift from God or a divine source
something magical happens, something transformative. Remember, we
not only need to receive love, we also need to love. Giving and
receiving are the same channel. When we open ourselves to one, the
other comes along with it. It’s a sort of co-active flow, a being
in touch with another person at a deeper level--a level in which
spirituality is present, trust is built and spirit can enter.
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