|
By Michele Wolf
Last year a Fox News/Opinion Dynamics poll asked almost 1,000
adults "Do you believe in love at first sight?" , 49 percent of
the women and 48 percent of the men responded yes.
That's no surprise. The giddy flush of excitement we feel when
we're attracted to someone is genuine, brought on by the brain chemical
phenylethylamine, or PEA, a natural amphetamine. "There's a physiological
rush, a biochemical electricity that happens when people meet someone
they want to partner with," says Judith Coche, Ph.D., director of
the Couples School at the Coche Center in Philadelphia and an associate
clinical professor of psychology at the University of Pennsylvania
School of Medicine. "Those feelings are not a myth," she says. "But
they're only one of several factors to consider when deciding whether
someone is the one for you." She adds, "many people trust their
gut when they choose a life partner but biochemistry and logic have
to work on the same track. Someone might look right, sound right
and seem to have the right qualities, but if you choose too quickly,
or if your partner isn't someone who can build coupling skills,
it's not going to take you into a conscious relationship."
Betsy, a 34-year-old lawyer from Boston, admits that following
her gut reaction hasn't panned out. "I tend to like men who are
interesting, sexy, and make me feel safe," she says. "and I've got
to have a gut-level excitement about someone. Without that feeling,
I can't really imagine wanting to stay in a relationship." But she
reveals that in the past she's been so happy about finding these
qualities that she's overlooked important differences, such as lack
of commitment readiness.
Although you can just know immediately if someone is sexually appealing,
smart and interesting, it takes time to discover whether that person
is kind, dependable, emotionally available and compatible with you
in terms of values, interests and temperament. "Unless you want
to change partners often in a lifetime, err on the side of caution,"
says Coche. "I'm more concerned when people rush ahead than when
they go too slowly. It takes time to cook a good relationship."
|
What do you
do when you're past the "key exchanging" phase of dating
and you come home one day to find the following missing
from your house: car, credit cards, checkbook,
and your dog? 
Yikes.
How awful. Your dog, too? 
