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Experts say the sudden vaccuum after the kids
move out can help revitalize your relationship
By Christine Shen
The household silence that follows the departure of children can
be often deafening for a couple accustomed to the caucophony of
carpooling, sleepovers, and afterschool activities. Many are left
wondering, "What now?"
Some couples celebrate their freedom by exploring the new facets
in their post-children marriage. Others, particularly those whose
relationships were hard hit by the pressures of parenthood, either
take the time to mend the war wounds or decide to part ways.
It's all in a matter of how you face this new phase together.
"This doesn't have to be a traumatic [time]," say marriage therapists
Cathy
and Steve Brody. Their book, Renew
Your Marriage at Midlife, gives practical advice on tackling
the transition from parenthood back to couplehood.
"Indeed, for many relationships it can be a subtle process involving
gradual career changes, more financial planning toward retirement,
and exploring new ways of spending time together as a couple," they
add.
The Brodys emphasize that communication is the ultimate factor
that will keep an empty nest marriage thriving and intimate.
"Talk with your partner to clarify and redefine your new roles
within the changing family landscape," the Brodys advise. "How successful
you are will depend not only on your ability to communicate, but
how similar you are in your desires to do so. Studies show that
couples with partners who communicate to a similar degree are happier
than couples where one spouse wants to share far more than the other."
In addition to keeping the communication channels open, you'll
need to re-orient your focus from taking care of the kids to taking
care of each other, suggest empty nesters David and Claudia Arp,
marriage counselors and authors of The
Second Half of Marriage: Facing the Eight Challenges of Every Long-Term
Marriage.
Their research has unearthed eight solutions to the common conflicts
that can plague a couple phasing out childcare, including how to
maintain a vibrant and solid friendship.
"Long-term marriages have staying power because they are held together
from within--from the inner core of the relationship," say the Arps.
"The greatest indicator of a healthy long-term marriage is having
a strong couple-friendship."
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